


One Heart, One Life

by gingergallifreyan



Series: The Time Lord and the Goddess of Time [3]
Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Dimension Cannon, Dimension-Hopping Rose, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Mention of the 'f' word, but nothing explicit, eventual kid fic, oh and there's shagging, the first part of this fic has nothing to do with children i promise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-29
Updated: 2017-01-30
Packaged: 2018-09-20 18:17:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9505004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingergallifreyan/pseuds/gingergallifreyan
Summary: The Doctor's got only one heart, and it beats for Rose Tyler. How do the Doctor and Rose deal with the repercussions of being left together on the beach? What happened when Rose was hopping through dimensions to find the Doctor? How do they proceed as time goes by?





	1. Bridging the Gap

**Author's Note:**

> There will eventually be children, but that is nowhere in the first few chapters. So if that's not what you want to read, just stick with the first few chapters and you won't be missing anything in the second part of the story. I'll be sure to put that in the notes when it does happen.

The Doctor and Rose’s relationship had been a lot easier with a TARDIS and near-death experiences to spur fits of kissing and Clom to laugh about. They found that life in the day-after-day proved to be a bit more difficult, at least at first.

After the beach, the Tylers had offered them the small cottage in the rear of their property, but they declined. They both knew the Doctor would need the hustle and bustle of the busy London streets to compensate for his boundless energy and none of time and space on which to expend it. She and the Doctor moved into a flat. Luckily, Torchwood had a few in the company name readily available and already furnished.

The Tylers hooked the Doctor up with a mobile, one of the smart ones with all the apps. He never had one while on board the TARDIS, and he was definitely in love with all the different apps. He was excited to begin coding his own. “With this app I made, I’ll know all the news about future banana harvests _and_ I can check all the banana prices in town!” he exclaimed.

Pete allowed the Doctor to set up a lab at Torchwood so he could begin growing the TARDIS coral. He also, at Rose’s request, transferred her to and employed the Doctor in the role of “consultants” and continued her salary. This way, she wouldn’t be needed for day-to-day operations like she had been. He knew how hard Rose had worked on the cannon and that she would need some time off.

Rose did take time away from Torchwood. Once they’d settled in their flat, she slept a lot in the first week. She was exhausted in every way one could be.

The Doctor understood, so he spent his free time in the lab while she recuperated, most days leaving early and staying until late in the evening. Much of his time was spent working on the TARDIS coral, which needed as much tending as he could give it. Armed with the knowledge that Pete’s World held the wrong kind of energy for the TARDIS, he needed to find a way to convert the energy in this universe for her so she’d be able to start growing. His other time was spent working with malfunctioning alien tech and making a few “enhancements” to his lab’s software capabilities.

Rose didn’t mind the time alone at first. She spent her time reading and shopping for items for their kitchen and paying bills. But now that she had the Doctor back, she would have liked to have spent some time with him, and that was difficult with him in the lab so much.

She mentioned something to him, and he made an effort to change, making time to do little things with her, whether it was a walk in the park or a trip to one of the museums. Occasionally they spent evenings in for pizza and a movie. Even so, he still spent a considerable amount of time in the lab.

Rose puzzled about his distance. She began to worry that a day-to-day life wasn’t enough for him, and he was avoiding it all together. She didn’t blame him. He’d gone from a time machine that could travel anywhere in the universe at the flip of a switch to a non-transdimensional flat in a matter of a few days. So why wouldn’t he spend all his time in the lab with the TARDIS coral? And during the time they spent together, they didn’t talk about themselves. He only ever wanted to talk about the differences between Pete’s World and their old universe.

She caught him staring out at the stars occasionally. She’d feel his leg shake and he’d fidget his hands under the table at Sunday family roasts at the Tyler mansion until Tony pulled him away to play with trains or action figurines.

Was he having buyer’s remorse? Was she not enough for him?

Even worse, Jackie had noticed the emotional space between them. “Are you both alright, love?”

“What do you mean, Mum?”

Jackie gave her a knowing look.

“I think he just needs time to adjust. He went from being a Time Lord with the whole universe to explore, to being part-human and stuck in a flat. That can’t be easy for him.”

“I suppose, but Pete’s noticed how much time he spends in the lab. And you’re not there with him. Do you two spend any time together?”

“Sometimes. Maybe the TARDIS needs a lot of supervision?”

“Rose, I know you didn’t go off to find him so he could spend all his time in a lab. Have you talked to him?”

“We talk a little.”

“Do you talk about _you_ though? The both of you? Together?”

“Not yet.”

“Are you angry about the beach?”

“Not with him, no. I try not to think about it.”

She brushed a few strands of hair from Rose’s cheek. “I can’t imagine you not being angry, being left like that. Maybe it would help if you talked to your new Doctor?”

“He just prattles on about the old universe and this one. I’m not sure how to talk to him. I don’t want to make him feel like I’m mooning over the old him. That wouldn’t be a good start, would it?”

“Do you love him?”

“Of course I do, Mum.”

“Then why is it difficult for you to talk to him?”

“I don’t know. I guess...I worked so hard in the last year. I didn’t think I’d still be here.” She quickly added, “Not that I’m not happy to be with you and Dad and Tony.”

Jackie gently smiled. “Just not what you counted on, is it?”

She sighed. “No.”

“Well, don’t let that stop you from talking to him. He still looks at you like you hang the stars when you’re not looking, like he can’t believe you’re with him. Sounds like you’ve some things to work out.”

Rose smiled a little at that. “I will, Mum.”

“You know, Pete didn’t mind me talking about the old him. And I didn’t mind him talking about the old Jackie, either. It helped us grieve and get to know one another. I’ve been through this, sweetheart. No, it’s not easy, seeing the face of the man I once loved on not quite the same man. But I love this new Pete as much as the old one...more I think. Having a new Pete doesn’t betray my feelings for the old Pete. I had a long time to think about where I’d went wrong with the old Pete. Gave me a chance to try again. Not many people can say that, can they? Well, you, I suppose.”

Rose blinked. She hadn’t quite thought about her mum’s relationship with Pete like that, as a parallel for her own with the Doctor. Maybe not a complete parallel, but it gave her some courage to try.

Rose wasn’t sure where to start, so she compromised. She developed a habit of apologizing. They’d be in line at the coffee shop or chippy, and she’d apologize for the wait.

He always replied with a shrug and, “It’s alright. I’m fine, really.” And then he’d breeze onto the next tidbit about this universe’s history he’d learned that day while researching in the lab.

The Doctor puzzled at her apologies. She hadn’t done anything that required an apology. The wait was no problem because he was happy to wait with her.

The silence between them unnerved the Doctor, so he took it upon himself to fill the space with babbling. She’d been awfully quiet since they’d moved into their flat. He chalked it up to her needing space from the beach. Not from him (at least he hoped), but from the other him. She’d been through so much in the last year. He wanted to ask her about it, but he didn’t want to intrude before she wanted to share. He figured she would be fine in time. She’d open up when she wanted to. That was Rose, he reasoned with himself. Independent, strong.

He also babbled because he needed to feel like he was the Doctor. Without his TARDIS and his second heart, and with Rose’s “absence,” he didn’t feel much like he was. So he worked on the coral whenever he could, applying Donna’s equation and trying to help it establish itself under the care of Torchwood’s equipment. And when it took, he started researching the history of this universe so he would have something to talk about with Rose when they spent time together. That’s something the Doctor and Rose  would enjoy discussing, right? He needed anything to feel normal again.

Mostly, in the pit of his stomach and in the depth of his heart, he felt terribly guilty about the beach, how he and the other Doctor had handled the whole situation. How they’d given her a “choice.”

He thought of how she’d once told him to stop trying to protect her, ironically enough on a visit to an alien beach, the one on Skaketera, to let her decide things for herself.

And then he’d decided to send her over to Pete’s World at Canary Wharf because it was the only way he thought he’d be able to keep her safe. It’d been easy because he thought he’d never see her again. She’d bucked against that and came back anyway. Then they lost the chance to work through that when Pete rescued her and pulled her over to the other side. When he saw her through the projection, she wasn’t angry at all about it. He knew she’d forgiven him, at least he hoped. They’d thought they would never see each other again, so what good would being angry have done in the span of two minutes?

And then, on that beach for a second time, he and his counterpart had deprived her of her own choice. He should have stood up to the other Doctor. He should have fought for her more. Why had he been a coward?

But was he a coward, really? If he knew the Doctor’s plan was to leave them together on the beach, was he subconsciously relieved that he’d be the one who got to keep Rose for himself? He hadn’t thought about it much at the time, but he remembered how he felt when Rose had dropped his hand, when the other Doctor strode back in the TARDIS from dropping off Sarah Jane and the others. He’d been jealous of himself.

Even deeper still, that knowledge caused him to question. If he and his counterpart hadn’t really given Rose a choice, would she have chosen him at all? Did she want him, or did she pine after the other him? Did she feel stuck in this universe?

He’d been terribly selfish with Rose. And he felt terribly guilty and insecure for it. And so, he kept his distance.

But as the days passed and turned into weeks and nothing changed, he worried for her more and more. If she didn’t come back from whatever place she was in, he would have to go and find her himself, his inner turmoil be damned. It was one thing to need space, and entirely another to withdraw.

They lived in the same flat, shared the same space, but they were on two different continents with a straight of emotional waters in between. They desperately wanted to connect with one another, and words failed them, so they tried building a bridge they only other way they knew how.

They’d be on the couch, snuggled up together for movie night, and he’d kiss her or she’d kiss him, and then they’d be lost in each other again. They enjoyed it in the moment, of course, and their love was genuine. Physical intimacy was a welcome oasis after having been separated for so long, a luxury in the vacuum of their inability to connect on other levels. But it still wasn’t enough to make any headway.

So, a month and a half into their new life together, after she apologized for the umpteenth time, he couldn’t take it anymore.

It was a rare morning when he didn’t go to Torchwood right away. She was at the sink doing the washing, and he sat at their dining table scanning the paper.

She thought about how terribly mundane this must be for him. “I’m sorry this isn’t exciting,” she said.

Instead of answering with his usual shrug and deflection, he decided to do something. He set his paper on the table and requested, “Would you stop that, please?”

She turned abruptly, not expecting that response. “Stop what?” As she turned, the water and soap on her hands combined with her momentum was enough to send the wine glass in her grip flying, and it shattered on the tile.

Rose fought back tears and apologized again. “Oh, god, I’m sorry.” She stooped to pick up the larger shards of glass, but she was shaking so much that she inevitably sliced her thumb on one of the pieces. She yelped in surprise and dropped the glass in her hand. She was so startled that she couldn’t think of what to do next, all her composure from her Torchwood training forgotten, so she held her hand, sat, and finally shattered. Tears streamed down her cheeks.

Meanwhile, the Doctor’s eyes went wide as the glass flew out of her hand. He immediately leapt into action to help her. “Rose, don’t touch–” He winced as he watched a shard of glass in her shaking hands slice her thumb. He redirected himself for a towel and knelt next to his shivering Rose. He wrapped her thumb in the towel and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Hold that, put some pressure on it. Let’s get away from the glass and clean you up, yeah?”

She looked up at him with red eyes and let out a breath from between tight lips.

“Oh, Rose,” he said with all the remorse he’d ever felt. How had he let them get to this? He held her elbow with one hand and her side with the other and guided her up from the floor.

Once they made it to their en suite, he directed her to sit on the counter between their sinks. “Let me clean this up for you,” he requested.

She sniffed. “You shouldn’t have to. It’s my mess.”

He searched under the sink for a first aid kit. “I’m not _having_ to, Rose. I want to. Big difference.” When he found his prize, he pulled out a cleansing wipe, bandages, and medical tape. “And, somehow, I think this _is_ my mess.” He washed his hands and tore at the foil of the wipe. He held out his hand for hers. “Let me see?”

She held out her hand, still clutching it in the other with the towel. She looked up at him, but he wasn’t returning her gaze.

He silently unwrapped her thumb, pleased to see that it had stopped bleeding. “Not too bad, considering. This’ll sting. May I?” He waited, but she didn’t say anything, so he looked at her.

He battled with guilt when he saw how exhausted she was. He’d already felt guilty for how he and the other Doctor had handled the beach. And now she’d hurt herself because he hadn’t taken enough care of her. He’d been shielding himself from taking any responsibility for his motivations and his actions. He couldn’t take it anymore, and he looked at her thumb again and began to clean her wound.

She winced slightly and his gut twisted.

He wrapped her thumb with the sterile gauze and secured it with medical tape.

He looked at her again. “Better?”

She nodded. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s gotten into me–”

He cupped her cheek. “Can we try this again? Would you stop that, please?”

“Stop what?”

“Apologizing. I say things are fine, and you apologize again later, as if you’ve done something to upset me. You’ve done nothing of the sort, Rose.”

Tears welled in her eyes. “I’m so–”

He cut her off by closing his eyes. He’d mucked all this up, hadn’t he? He shook his head, opened his eyes again, and lifted her chin. “Don’t apologize for apologizing. Why do you feel the need to apologize? What reason could you possibly have for feeling sorry?”

“Is this enough for you?” She motioned to the rest of the en suite.

He knew she meant more than the room, or even the flat.

Her gaze landed on his chest. “Am I…”

“Oh, Rose. Come here.” He pulled her to himself, resting his chin on her hair. “What have I done that’s made you feel like you aren’t enough for me?”

Everything came out at once. “Sometimes you get lost in staring at the stars. You’re antsy at Sunday dinners. Being stuck here the first time for me wasn't easy, but I got it eventually because I’d lived a normal life before I met you. I can’t imagine how this has been for you. You’ve lost the TARDIS. This flat isn’t bigger on the inside. We can’t walk through the door and be on a different planet or go back five centuries to meet Leonardo da Vinci.”

He nodded in concession of her point. “That’s certainly true.” How could she have possibly thought that mattered to him, though? Hadn’t he told her that he was happy to be with her?

Not since the beach, though. He’d had his reasons for keeping his distance.

She continued. “And sometimes you work in the lab on the TARDIS coral like it’s all that matters. Like you’re in such a hurry to get out of here. And you hardly spend any time with me. You haven’t really opened up to me since we’ve been here.” She paused, huffing. “I say that, but then again, neither have I. I thought you might need space to adjust to being human and being stuck. I’ve loved having you in my life again. I really have. Seeing you...sometimes I have to pinch myself so I know it’s not a dream. And I love _being_ with you.”

“This body’s not half rubbish, then?”

She looked at him, and he winked. She let out a watery giggle.

He sighed in relief when he felt the tension in her body melt. He pressed a kiss to her hair. Miscommunication was an easy fix–at least it was a start. “Well, we’re a right pair, aren’t we? Why don’t we rest on the bed and talk through this? Together.”

“Yeah.” She smiled at the word.

He gently tugged on her non-injured hand and led her to their bed. She snuggled into his side and draped her arm over his torso.

He started. “I think we’ve been ships passing in the night since I arrived here. I gave you space because I thought you needed time to heal. You had to say goodbye to him without any warning. You’d been on all those jumps and worked so hard, only for it all to amount to nothing. That’s not something you can get over in a morning in a bed and breakfast with me. I haven’t been part-human for long, but I’m not naive, Rose.”

She knew he was right about getting over it quickly. She hadn’t wanted to think about her travels with the dimension cannon because they had been to find the other him. And thinking about that still hurt, but that wasn’t what was bothering her in this moment. “Maybe I have needed to heal from all that, but I've been hurt more by your absence. He’s not here anymore. You are, and that’s what matters to me. You’re the Doctor who stayed.”

“Do you really mean that?” he said with a hopeful smile.

“Of course I do.” She reached up to play with his hair.

Warmth spread in his chest. This was more them. At least she felt comfortable with him again.

“Rose, if anyone should be apologizing, it’s me. I haven’t been there for you. And you should never worry that you’re enough for me. It’s like I told you. I’ll be fine being stuck anywhere as long as I’m stuck with you. Yes, I need time to adjust to being part-human. It’s not every day you lose one of your hearts and gain a human respiratory system. I may get restless, but I’m used to moving my feet all the time. It’s not because I don’t want to be with you. And now, instead of worrying about the rest of the universe, I get to be frustrated by how much petrol costs and elections and seeing your mother on a regular basis and a new metabolism, and that’s all new.”

Rose giggled at some of that.

He smiled. “But that’s just it, isn’t it? It’s a new adventure for me. No, I can’t just pop over to Mufroth and get the best cappuccino in the universe. But I can pop into a coffee shop with you, and it’s the best cappuccino because I’m enjoying it with you. I get to be with you every day of my life, and that’s worth more than all the stars could offer me. Waking up next to you every morning when I’d lived for so long, thinking I’d never see you again is like Christmas every day. Living my life day after day with you. It’s the one adventure I thought I could never have.”

She rolled onto her side so she could see his face. “And here we’ve been orbiting each other like satellites, waiting for our life to begin.”

An idea came to mind and he cleared his throat.“Speaking of da Vinci, fine chap that he was, I’ve been researching all about the history of this universe, trying to learn all the little differences. But you’ve been over here longer. You know far more than I. You could teach me. We don’t have to wait anymore to begin our lives. Not if we don’t want to. We could get out of here and travel for a while.”

“Like you showed me around the other universe? You want me to be your Doctor now?”

He smiled at the sentiment. “Why not? I don’t need to go to the lab every day. The coral will be fine by herself. I’ve been able to rig some alien tech to convert the energy of this universe so it’ll be suitable for her. It’ll take a while for her to grow, years. I can create an app so I can monitor it on my mobile. But we could travel in the meantime. Maybe not to the stars and maybe not to a different time, but surely there’s plenty to see on this Earth now.”

“You’re going to hate zeppelin travel. It’s so slow.”

“I can think of a few things to pass the time.”

“Sudoku?” Her face was serious.

He blinked.

She laughed. “I’ll go get the laptop. We can look up where to go first. I’ll call Pete for a meeting first thing in the morning. And then we’ll need to talk to Mum.”

When she returned, she settled into his side next to him, and he draped his arm around her shoulder.

She opened her laptop. “I was thinking about–”

“Sex, Rose. I meant sex.”

“I know what you–” She looked at him.

His face was serious, and then he cracked a smile.

They both laughed. They stayed up for hours, planning and enjoying each other’s company. They made a list so long, the Doctor suggested he cook up a “Randomizer” app for his phone, and it would pick their next destination and provide options for booking travel arrangements.

Rose eventually stretched and yawned, and she curled into his side again. She was out within minutes.

The Doctor stayed awake for quite a while. He wanted to talk about the beach with her, wanted to clear his chest, but she was in no position to discuss that. It was more important that he reassure her of his feelings for her. And with things on the mend between them, he could hold that off for a while until they were in a more secure place anyway.

Once he convinced himself that things were fine, that Rose would be fine, that they would be fine and he’d taken the best course of action (for now), he resolved to enjoy himself on their vacation. Building their relationship and securing Rose’s feelings needed to be his first priority. He’d bring up his concerns another time.


	2. See, What Had Happened Was...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another angsty conversation ahead, but hard conversations are par for the course in relationships. Rose is trying to reconcile everything that happened with Ten, and Tentoo wants to be honest with Rose, no matter how much he wants to hide behind his tendency to carry guilt. They’ve had a good few months, and now that they’ve returned home, it’s time to come face-to-face with things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rose will come to terms with everything in the end, I promise. I don’t want to seem unfair to Ten (because he’s my bby and also) because I know how heartbreaking his actions were for him, but grief is a funny thing. I can’t imagine Rose didn’t have a hard time for a while.
> 
> I made some notes about one of the references to Donna at the end of the chapter.

 

They’d been to Italy to see the not-so-leaning Tower of Pisa (“I wasn’t there to bump into it with the TARDIS,” he’d said), the not-so-noseless Sphynx in Egypt (“Because I wasn’t there to knock it off!” he’d exclaimed), and the not-so-smiling Mona Lisa in the Louvre (“I wasn’t there making funny faces behind da Vinci,” he’d recounted), among other things. They’d enjoyed each other’s company, whether it was out in public or in private, and they certainly shared lots of private time. And now, they rested on their own couch for the first time in three months. He sat in the middle of the sofa in his blue suit and maroon t-shirt. Her legs rested over his while she leaned on the arm. She wore a lavender maxi skirt and a white wool t-shirt. 

He absentmindedly rubbed his thumb in circles on her knee.

“You were awful quiet on the ride home,” Rose offered.

He exhaled through his nose and looked at her. “Are you better now? You seem to be better.”

“Better than I was, yes, but then again, I haven’t had much time to think about everything. I’ve been too busy enjoying my time with you.” She reached for his hand and squeezed.

He smiled and stroked her hand with his thumb. “Oh, me, too, Rose. I’ve had a merry time with you. And maybe it was coming back here that made me think about it, but we can’t avoid talking about these things forever.”

“Things?” She thought the change in subject was abrupt. He must have been nervous about whatever it was he needed to say.

“For starters, the beach. We still haven’t discussed you and the dimension cannon. And I have a theory about something Caan said in the  _ Crucible _ . And if you had anything else you wanted to say, I’d like to hear it.”

She furrowed her brows and stared at her knees. She tried to remember something about the cannon, but everything seemed beyond her grasp.

“If you’d rather not talk about it now, we don’t have to,” he offered.

She shook her head, but she couldn’t break her gaze with her knees. She couldn’t remember anything about the cannon, but she could remember the beach quite clearly. “No, it’s fine. It’s been enough time. I can talk about it.”

“What’s on your mind, then?”

“When I think about the beach,” she paused. It bothered her that she couldn't remember things, but she decided to let it be. She’d rather not have the Doctor cause a fuss about potential memory loss if she could figure it out herself first.

“Yes?” he prompted.

She met his eyes, realizing she hadn’t finished her statement. “What upsets me the most is that he just left me. He didn’t even ask what I wanted.”

He studied her for a few seconds. That was odd, how she’d been distracted.

She blushed under his scrutiny. She didn’t want or need him to be curious about anything.

“Are you alright, Rose?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” She’d given herself away, she knew. How many times had he used “I’m fine” as a code for “I’m not really alright, but I don’t want you to bother me about it”? She’d pulled a page from his own playbook.

“Are you sure? Because if something’s wrong, you’d tell me, right?

“Course I would.”

“You don’t even have to tell me what’s wrong, you know.”

“Doctor, I’m fine. Can we just talk about the beach?”

Right. The beach. Who was he to pry for her secrets when he’d kept his own from her? Time to clear his own conscience. “I knew you would be angry about being left without a choice, and so did he.”

She looked at him quite pointedly. “You knew he was going to do it? And you did nothing to stop him? Didn’t say anything to him at all?”

He looked a bit sheepish. “I’ve been meaning to say something about that for a while.”

“ _ Now _ you want to say something?”

“Yes. There really hasn’t been a good time before now. Making sure you enjoyed our time together was my first priority, Rose.”

She sighed. “Go on, then.” 

“I’m sorry that I didn’t fight for you more. I had no idea how the three of us were going to handle things until after he dropped everyone off in London. I knew how hurt you would be, and I should have stood up for you.” He left it at that so he could gauge her response.

She sighed again. “What’s the use in being angry about it now? S’alright, Doctor. Not your fault, because he’s going to do what he wants to do. We both know that.”

_ Part of the way there _ , he thought. 

“And another thing,” she said. “‘Does it need saying?’ Yes, Doctor, it  _ bloody well _ did need saying.” Her voice was insistent, her brows knit in frustration.

“And I said it, didn’t I?”

“Well, yeah, but–”

“And I meant it. I still do.”

“I know, but–”

He lightly tapped her leg, telling her he understood the point she was trying to make. “Rose, he couldn’t say it.”

“But why not?” she breathed out in resignation, her insistence turned to merely a whisper. She covered her face with her hands, her fingertips rubbing small circles on her forehead.

He waited a moment before he continued. “Honestly, do you think he would have been able to leave you if he had?”

She swiped away a tear.

“Do you honestly think he could have denied you if you had demanded that he take you with him? He felt he had no choice but to break your heart. He loved you so much. More than anything. I know because I’m him. I am the Doctor, Rose. A regeneration of him. Everything he is was poured into me. And he felt such love for you in that moment. It’s why he chose to keep himself as he was. He wasn’t banking on leaving you on the beach.”

“I worked so hard. I tried so hard to find him.” She felt something missing again when she tried to think about it. She still had the feeling of disappointment, but the actual memories were out of place.

He squeezed her hand. “I know. I’m sorry, Rose.”

“What about you? Would you have been able to stay in the TARDIS, too?”

His face was tender at her concern. “He wouldn’t have let me. I destroyed the entire Dalek fleet. I was planning to do that before I even set foot in the Vault. When the catalyzer didn’t work, I found another way. I did commit genocide, as he said, and that’s against the laws of the Time Lords.”

“Why did you do that?”

“Because he wouldn’t have, and it had to be done to stop them. They would have continued on their own genocidal war path. I guess the human part of me gave me what I needed to do the deed. A long time ago, I had the opportunity to stop the creation of the Daleks. I could have changed history. Luckily, other matters became more urgent and the choice was made for me. I’d’ve felt terrible guilt if I’d have gone through with it. But that was then, and this is now, and I don’t feel as much guilt as I probably should.” 

“But that’s stupid. Isn’t that just what he did during the Time War? And didn’t I dissolve the Daleks to dust on the Game Station?”

“ _ You’re  _ different because you’re human.  _ You _ absorbed the Vortex.  _ You  _ could barely control all that power. But with me, I’m him. Think about it, Rose. If he’d have kept me on board, I would have reminded him of himself, his guilt, every time he looked at me. Granted, my actions were on a scale far below his during the Time War, but I did what I did without a second thought. The decision to destroy Gallifrey was agonizing. Can you imagine what that would have done to him? He  _ had _ to get rid of me. And he wasn’t going to drop me off in the parallel universe on my own.”

“Do you think he’s okay now?”

“I...I don’t know, Rose. I hope he is. He’ll be fine as long as Donna is around.” He took her hand to redirect the conversation. “And, anyway, if Caan somehow breached the lock on the Time War to save Davros and they both created an entirely new generation of Daleks...look, the Daleks exist in a multitude of points across the time continuum. They’ll always survive because that’s how they’re wired. I’m sure that my destroying this particular iteration held no bearing on their future, and they’re probably giving the Doctor a run for his money in other universe, and vice versa. I wouldn’t be surprised if Davros turns up again somewhere down the road, knowing him. But enough about the Daleks. Before I talk about my theory on Caan–first things first, are you alright?”

“What about Caan?”

“I mean it, Rose. Are you alright?”

“I will be. I understand, but I’m still angry. I probably will be for a while.” She decided it was best to keep the memory loss to herself until she could figure it out. 

He sighed. He was sure she was leaving something unsaid. But if she chose not to share it, he would understand. God knows he’d taken long enough to get this far himself. “You have a right to be. It’s part of the process. And if you ever need to yell at him some more, I’m here for you.” The corner of his mouth twitched, as if he wanted to grin, but he maintained his air of sincerity. He took the opportunity to try and distract her, and himself, if he were honest. “I’m not above being cool for a while. If you’re cruel to me, I’ll understand.”

She wrinkled her nose. “Are you quoting me Billy Joel again?”

He shrugged. “I might be.”

She laughed and sat up to kiss him on the cheek. “I’m not angry with you, I promise. It’s like I said, you’re the Doctor who stayed. That’s what matters to me. I’ll be fine eventually. Now, what about Dalek Caan?”

Hearing that from her, that it mattered to her that he stayed, warmed his heart and other extremities. He wrapped one arm around her waist and smoothed his other hand down her calf. He rested his forehead on her temple. “As much as I would love to discuss that, I’ve got something else on my mind.”

“What’s that?” she asked coyly.

“I’m just thinking about what he had on his mind while he was regenerating into me.”

She smirked. “Is that why you’re so randy?”

“Have to make up for lost time,” he rumbled and brushed her earlobe with the tip of his nose. He ran his fingers up her spine underneath her t-shirt. “I’m not above making up for the love you’ve been denying you could ever feel.”

She grinned. “Shut up.”

He hungrily claimed her lips in happy obedience.

–

Perhaps he was feeling a bit too confident after bedding his Rose right then and there. Perhaps it was the Doctor’s penchant for being a bit competitive with himself. Either way, it was a bit rude. 

He rolled off of her, bare-chested, and laid against the back of the sofa. “Honestly, I don’t think he was interested in sharing you with me.” He kissed her shirtless collarbone while he fixed his trousers. 

Her grin melted. “What do you mean by that?” She readjusted her skirt.

His bravado fell as he saw immediately how insensitive his remark was, but he continued. “I’m part human. I'm able to have the life with you that he wanted, what with my limited life span. He would have stepped aside anyway and resented me. And that was horribly rude, wasn’t it?”

“Thanks for not making me have to say it. And neither of you are considering me in this equation.”

He took the opportunity to lay down more groundwork for his big confession. “Rose, I understand that. I know that makes you angry, when you feel decisions are made for you, and I'm not denying you that right. But you’re also not considering what either of us wanted. It was better for all of us that he and I didn’t live in the same space, my rude gob being exhibit A. You would have gone mad and left both of us on your own.”

She scoffed.

“Us Doctors, really, we can only stand each other for so long. I suppose it comes down to being reminded that your life isn’t infinite after all. You want to do so much as you are, but ultimately, your time comes. You regenerate, and a new man stands in your place. Seeing another version of yourself reminds you of that. And so I’m sure it wouldn’t have been easy for him to be around me. It would’ve been as if the universe was rubbing his nose in mortality.” He met her eyes. “Even worse, he loved you, yes, but his love for you couldn’t make you immortal. What would have happened when you and I started growing gray, but he’d never age, not in the same sense? When we couldn’t run anymore, but his feet could still swiftly carry him? He lost you once. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing you again, no matter how far down the road that may have been.”

She was silent.

After some time, he smoothed his hand down her side. “Can I know what you’re thinking?”

“If that’s how he felt, if all of these things is how he felt, I wish he could have just told me himself. I would have understood. Instead, I was left on a beach with no warning and no answers.”

His heart twinged at that and he nearly withdrew his hand from where it rested on her hip, but he refused to retreat. “No answers at all, Rose?”

She rested her hand on his arm. “Doctor, that’s not what I meant.”

“I know you didn’t. I know you're hurting and you loved him. But sometimes I wonder–” He stopped. This was his big moment.

“Doctor, I chose you.”

“That’s the thing, though. You say that, but really, neither of us gave you a choice at all. Honestly, would you have chosen me if we’d’ve actually left it up to you?”

She rolled onto her side. “We? You mean you and him? You didn’t make his decision.”

“Rose, when we were waiting in London, you and I were having a conversation, and I was holding your hand. He came back in the TARDIS, and you dropped it, like you didn’t want him to see, or maybe you felt like you were betraying him. I was jealous of myself. When I understood his intentions, I was relieved because I’d be the one to get to keep you. I didn’t stand up for you because I was relieved, and that was incredibly selfish of me. And I deprived you of your choice. I’m so sorry.”

She processed what he said for a moment.

His eyes got a little misty. “You said so yourself. I'm not him.”

“Oh, Doctor.” She kissed his forehead. “I think you and I both know that when he’s made up his mind about something big like this that nothing can change it. Not even me batting my eyes at him.”

“Now, don’t underestimate the power of your eyelashes, Rose Tyler.”

She giggled. “Thank you for apologizing, though, and being honest. That means the world to me.” She rubbed her thumb through his sideburn. “And when I said that you’re not him, I was hurting. I was letting go of somebody I loved without any warning. That was more about him than you. I'm sorry.” She rested her hand over his heart. “You are every bit my Doctor as much as he is on the other side and as much as Big Ears and Leather is. And you gave up everything to be with me. Your other heart, the TARDIS.” She kissed him, just a light pressure on his lips. “And remember, too, that just as he wasn’t counting on leaving me on the beach again, I wasn't counting on there being two of you. It all happened so fast.” She gently smiled. “Would you have tried to woo me?”

“Yes, of course. Both times I’ve regenerated around you...you’re all I could think about.” He pulled her closer to him, her bare stomach flush with his. “You’re all I ever think about. He wouldn’t have been able to keep me away from you for long. And I'm not trying to be rude this time.” He smoothed a hand down her thigh.

“I guess this is part of the process. We both have things we need to work through. But the best part is that we can work through them together, yeah?” She patted his arm. “You’re helping me so much. Thank you.”

“Am I?”

“You’re giving me the answers I needed to hear. I don’t regret choosing you at all, Doctor. I just wish he could have said everything you did himself. I suppose it hurt him too much.”

“It did, yes.”

“What were you going to say about Caan and the  _ Crucible _ ?”

He blinked. “Oh, that. Yes. Caan said he saw the Daleks for what they were and he decreed ‘No more.’ Thing is that Daleks just don’t  _ do _ that. They don’t think that way.”

“I know. That does seem odd. Before you showed up, Davros said Caan saw time in all its infinite complexity and majesty. It raged through his mind.”

“Rose.” He sat up suddenly, leaning over her, his eyes wide. “Rose, that confirms it. Oh, but that’s brilliant. That’s brilliant!”

She gripped his arm. “What’s brilliant?”

He kissed her hard and fast. “You never cease to amaze me, Rose.”

“What did I do?” She smiled.

“I think you did a lot more that just destroyed the Daleks and made Jack immortal when you became the Bad Wolf on the Game Station.”

“What did I do, Doctor?”

“When you merged with the heart of the TARDIS, you existed throughout the entire fabric of reality for a few moments.”

“You think I had something to do with Caan?”

He settled next to her again. “You and the TARDIS. If Caan could break the seal on the Time War, maybe you were there, too. Maybe you were the one who breached the seal and he just followed. I think you saw him and you touched him.”

“I don’t remember that, though. I only remember what happened on the Game Station.”

“The Vortex is incredibly powerful. Perhaps when I removed it from you, the memory of it went as well, or maybe it was just locked away.”

_ Locked away _ . 

That phrase echoed in her mind.

She’d forgotten them, the memories. They’d become...dimmer, out of focus, in the nearly five months she’d spent with him. And she hadn't even thought about them fading. It just sort of...happened.

“Maybe if I poke around a bit, I could find something?” he asked.

She could hear him speaking, but his voice seemed far away. She felt something in her stirring. A voice, his voice, she knew, but it was different.

_ These memories won’t stay locked away forever. Perhaps when the time is right you’ll be able to remember them together. _

“Rose? Rose, are you alright?”

The urgency in his voice shook her back to reality. “Yeah.” She blinked a few times.

He cupped her cheek. “What happened? Are you alright? You wouldn’t answer me for a moment.”

“It was weird. You said something, ‘locked away,’ I think, and it...triggered something. Something I’m supposed to remember. Something I’d forgotten.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Something locked away?”

“I think so, yes. I’m searching for whatever it is, and it feels as if it’s just beyond my reach. But I think it has to do with the dimension cannon.”

“Is that what was bothering you earlier?”

She blushed. “Yes. I was trying to remember anything about that time and I couldn’t.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“If I could figure it out for myself, I didn’t want to worry you. I would’ve gone into Torchwood tomorrow and examined myself–”

He rested his hand on her chest. “Please don’t do that again. Emotions are one thing, and I understand sharing those in your own time, but that was more than emotions. Don’t  _ ever _ hide things like that from me.” 

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to withhold anything. I suppose I’ve just become used to doing things on my own.”

He sighed and kissed her forehead. “You’ve grown so much, Rose, and I’m so proud of you. I’m sure you could have figured it out for yourself.” 

She thought of what he didn’t say. She was all he had in this universe, and he loved her fiercely, and she knew he couldn’t bear if something happened to her. She stroked his cheek with her thumb. “If I was that worried for myself, I would have told you. I promise.” 

“What do you say we get more properly clothed, put on the kettle, and we can figure this out together?” 

“Properly clothed? As if this is improper for us? And you were the instigator here.”

“Oh,” he chuckled and kissed her. “Being half-naked with you is always proper.” He sat up, keeping her legs stretched over his, and bent over to pick up his jacket and t-shirt and Rose’s shirt off the floor. “Even better when we’re fully naked, but I’ll take what I can get.” 

She giggled and patted his trouser-clad bum as he stood from the sofa and made his way to their kitchen, putting his t-shirt on again. 

They were silent for a few moments, each processing their conversation in their own spaces. 

The Doctor figured he needed to adjust to this more independent Rose. If he didn’t, his tendency to be overprotective would cause conflict. Not that he hadn’t seen her as independent before she’d lived in the parallel world. But she’d figured out her life without him. She knew herself. She didn’t need him, even if he needed her. He needed to trust her more. 

Rose figured she would need to remind herself that he really was there with her, and she didn’t need to carry everything alone anymore. After all, she wasn’t sure that she could have figured the memories out on her own. They didn’t stir until he’d said something. She would’ve had to ask for his help at the end of it all anyway.

When Rose heard the kettle whistle, she slipped her shirt on and made her way to their narrow kitchen. She leaned on the counter across from the stove.

“Tea!” He winked at Rose as he poured her cup. “That’s all you need, a good cup of tea. Superheated infusion of free radicals and tannin. Just the thing for healing the synapses.” He carried both of their mugs to their small dining table and they sat across from one another. He waited for her to begin.

“I can’t recall certain memories. From the cannon jumps, I mean. I remember the feeling of it, the sense of urgency I had to find you and the disappointment when I didn’t, but there’s a chunk of time missing between some of the jumps. It’s been a gradual thing since we’ve been over here. We started traveling three months ago, and they seemed to fade without my noticing.”

He raised an eyebrow at that last statement. He shifted in his chair. “Rose, do you remember meeting Donna? She and I made a trip to a market, and Donna happened upon a fortune teller of sorts. She tricked Donna into wearing this parallel reality creature. Big, black beetle thing. Created a whole parallel world around her. Donna couldn’t remember what happened, but she remembered meeting you. You told her ‘Bad Wolf.’ That’s how I knew the universe was in danger. And you were brilliant for using that message, by the way.”

She nodded. “I do now. That wasn’t the only time I met her, though. The first time I’d found the right universe, I happened upon Donna, but I didn’t know her then. It was right after all the Adipose stuff. She told me to tell Sylvia that her keys were in a bin.”

His eyes grew wide and he sat straight up. “You were there? You were there that night?”

“I was. After a few tries, we were able to get the cannon to lock onto the TARDIS. Having my key helped, and since the walls of the universes were breaking down, I could sort of feel the TARDIS again. So when we got it right the first time, it’d been a few years for me, you know, but maybe about a year after Canary Wharf for you. When I arrived, I wandered around the barricades for a bit, hoping to catch a glimpse of you. Weirdly enough, I couldn’t find the TARDIS, either. It was like she was hiding from me.”

“I had just asked her to travel with me, and then she said something about her car keys and ran off.” His voice caught.

“Doctor?” She hadn’t been watching him while she was explaining the cannon.

He closed his eyes. “I was that close to you and I missed you. Rose, I missed you.”  

She crossed over to his chair and sat in his lap. She lifted his chin and wrapped her arms around his neck.

He looked at her with the saddest eyes she’d ever seen. 

Her heart broke. Their time apart was brutal on him, she knew.

As if he’d read her mind, he said, “I was so lost without you. You saw the stars fading as it happened, but mine had already gone out.”

She kissed him, enveloped in his embrace.

When he pulled away, he asked, “You said that was the first time. Had you locked onto the TARDIS more than that? Had I missed you any more?”

“That’s the thing, I can’t seem to remember anything else. I should be able to, but I can’t, like there’s chunks of it missing. The next thing I do remember, though, was locking onto an earlier point in time, or at least what I thought was earlier. And then I figured out she was in her own pocket universe, and every jump after that was in her parallel world until I made it back to the proper Earth. And by that time, it had already been moved out of the sky. Back to Donna’s World, though. When I arrived, you’d drained the Thames. Did she tell you what happened?”

“Donna couldn’t remember anything from the parallel world but you.” He smiled. “Apparently you’d made that much of an impression.”

She didn’t smile. “Doctor, you, erm…”

His smile faded. “What happened?”

“Donna wasn’t with you at the time. She had no idea who you were.”

His face fell. He knew what she was implying. Donna had saved him that night.

“Doctor, you didn’t leave in time. You drowned.”

He cried into her shoulder.

She rested her cheek on his hair.

“I’m sorry,” he spoke after a few minutes.

“For what?”

His eyes were red when he looked at her. “You shouldn’t have seen me like that. You’re so much stronger than me.”

“What do you mean?”

“You made a life for yourself. I nearly drove myself off a cliff.”

“You didn’t see me when I first arrived here. I didn’t eat at all, wouldn’t get out of bed. It’s grief, Doctor. Makes us do all sorts of things we wouldn’t normally do.”

“Life didn’t seem worth it without you.”

“You found that wasn’t true, though. Martha and Donna, they helped you.”

He nodded.

They sat in silence for a while, his head on her shoulder. She lightly scratched his scalp. 

She stroked his cheek with her thumb. “You should have seen me in that parallel world, though. I was able to help UNIT get the TARDIS up and running without you.”

He lifted his head and gently smiled. “Oh, my brilliant, brilliant Rose. You would.”

“She barely had any power left by the time I found them. They said she wouldn’t do anything til I stepped inside.”

“Probably knew you were coming and reserved what little power she had left for you.”

“It was amazing really. That parallel reality wasn’t supposed to exist, but the TARDIS kept projecting a signal, and that’s how I was able to keep jumping to it. And Donna was a bit difficult at first. But even when she didn’t know who you were, she was brilliant. Stepped right up and did what was needed.”

“That’s Donna. I only wish she would have believed in herself more.”

“Doctor, there was one or two other times I remember. Once, the cannon picked up on a transmission. It wasn’t very long, though. I could see you. You were on some sort of bus or transport, and it was shaking violently. The power went out for a moment, and when it came back on, you were trying to calm the other passengers down. I was only able to patch a message through for a brief second, but you must have not been able to see or hear me. The transmission cut after that. What happened?”

The blood drained from his face. “That’s not something I’d like to relive anytime soon.”

“You’ll tell me, right?”

“Not now. Not for a very long time.” He closed his eyes, fighting a wave of nausea at the memory. “Can I feel you now, though? Please?”

He’d never asked that of her before, to share telepathic contact outside of physical intimacy, but she knew what he meant. “Yeah, of course.”

He rested his head on her shoulder, nuzzling into her neck. 

She felt him in her mind. Whatever had happened, it had frightened him terribly. She ran her fingers through his hair, but she concentrated in her mind, focusing on feeling calm. “Does that help?”

“Mmhmm,” he acknowledged. “ _ You’re really a natural _ ,” he added.

She felt him reach for her, his fear melting in her comfort. “ _ I like this, being with you like this _ ,” she said. 

“ _ This is how it’s supposed to be for Time Lords. _ ”

“ _ Why haven’t we done this before now? _ ”

“ _ We weren’t really in a place for it. _ ”

“ _ But we are now? _ ” She smiled.

“ _ If you think we are, I’m more than ready for it. I didn’t want to push you into something maybe you didn’t want. _ ”

“ _ I think we are. _ ”

She felt his happiness. 

“ _ Since I’m here, maybe I could look around for those missing memories? If that’s alright with you? _ ”

Her stomach gurgled. “I'd love to, but I'm starving. How does Chinese sound to you? I can call in an order? I’ll get your favorite.”

He nodded. “While we're waiting, I'll just go hop in the shower. Meet you on the sofa in a bit?”

She kissed his temple and stood from his lap. “See you in a bit.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The bit about the Doctor and Donna after the beach...I can't put Rose in a position of knowing what the Doctor did to Donna and his following condition and her not being able to help him. I also can't put Tentoo in a position of lying to Rose about it, because he wouldn't want to put Rose in that position, either. So, I'm assuming here that Tentoo was so preoccupied with Rose at the end of _Here_ that he wouldn't have noticed anything was wrong with Donna.


	3. I'll Be Seeing You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Doctor takes some time to explain to Jack, since he'd mentioned him in the last chapter, and then they poke around for those missing memories. Featuring some surprise visitors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Earns the mature rating.
> 
> Y’all, I used a cussing word in here, lol. TWICE. I usually won’t go stronger in a fic than ‘damn’ or ‘hell’, but I think once you get to it, you’ll see why I did it, and it’s probably the two most beautiful lines of dialogue I’ve ever written, and I hope you love it as much as I do.

Rose called in their order and changed into her flannel pajama pants and a tank top. She pulled her hair into a messy bun. She watched a rerun of  _ Kitchen Hell _ with Ramsay Gordon while she waited for their delivery and for the Doctor to finish his shower. 

Soon enough, the scent of his body wash wafted from their bathroom, and he followed moments after, wearing comfy pajama pants and a long-sleeved shirt and toweling his hair. Just as they’d snuggled up together without a word, they heard a knock, and she went to the door to get their food.

Once they settled back down to eat, he said in between bites, “Speaking of Jack...” He’d never fully explained what happened.

Rose muted the telly. “Did you know he was immortal?”

“Yeah, actually, I did.”

“How long?”

“Since it happened, but I saw it for myself when we’d met up with him. Martha and I, that is. We’d made a stopover in Cardiff to fuel up, and just as we were going back into the Vortex, Jack latched onto the TARDIS, and we flew to the end of the universe.”

“Doctor, hold on. If you knew about Jack, why didn’t we go back for him at the Game Station?”

“That’s the thing, Rose. Once you brought Jack back to life, he became a fixed point in time, and that would make any time-sensitive being a bit nauseated, almost like we’re allergic to him. The TARDIS flew all the way to the end of the universe because it was trying to shake him off, and she knew who he was.”

“God, how many times did he experience death? How much pain had he been through?” The corners of her mouth turned down slightly and she left her chopsticks in her carton for a moment. “So it was my fault?”

He grabbed her hand. “You’d absorbed the Vortex and you had no idea what you were doing. You meant to bring him back just that once, but you brought him back forever. Just like you, though. You’re always wanting to help.” He smiled.

“So he’s gonna be around forever, then?”

“Well.” He rubbed his eye. “Not exactly. Billions of years.”

“How do you know?”

“When Martha and I left Jack back in Cardiff after that whole ordeal...you know, Rose, we saw my friend, my mate from the Academy. You remember me telling you about him?”

“Yeah. He’s alive?” She smiled, but it faded as she listened to his reply.

“Was. Turns out he’d hidden himself at the end of the universe. He used the fob watch, the same thing I’d used when I was with Martha to hide myself. That’s why I couldn’t feel anyone else, because his essence was hidden. When he opened the watch, Jack and Martha and her family and me, we were...his prisoners for a year. Well, Martha escaped and saved the whole world. But…”

“What happened to him?”

“He opened the fob watch at the end of universe, hijacked the TARDIS, and traveled back to the 21st Century. He campaigned and became the Prime Minister right after Harriet Jones was ousted.”

“Just our luck, yeah? You bring down Harriet Jones, your crazy psychopathic friend becomes Prime Minister. We save the Queen, she banishes us and forms Torchwood, which is what got me over here in the first place.”

“Yeah, funny thing. Not sure if that was all coincidence or by design by somebody. Anyway, he’d taken a human wife. At the end of his reign of terror, she shot him. He didn’t let himself regenerate.”

“I’m sorry.”

They ate in silence for a few moments.

“Anyway,” he began again, “after all that, when we dropped Jack off in Cardiff, he mentioned how he’d been the first one on the Boeshane Peninsula to sign up for the Time Agency. He said they called him ‘the face of Boe.’”

Rose’s eyes went wide. “No.”

“Yes.”

She grinned. “No way!”

He laughed.

“The Face of Boe! How did he lose the body, then? How’d he end up in the glass case?”

“Who knows? I never found that out.”

“Fitting, I guess, since he’s always had a big head.”

The Doctor laughed again.

“His accent changed, though,” she pointed out. “And he became telepathic.”

“I suppose he needed to hide his identity from us, and there’d have been all kinds of medical advances, all kinds of training, to enhance telepathic capabilities by the time we met him.”

“So how do you know he only lives for billions of years?”

“You and I saw him on Platform One and on New Earth. Well, Cassandra you. I also took Martha to New Earth. Turned out to be only a few years after we’d visited. Oh, and Novice Hame was still there.”

“Hold on. You took Martha where you took me?”

“Yeah. What’s wrong with that?”

She set her Chinese on the coffee table and slapped his shoulder with a pillow. “You took her on a rebound trip?”

“Rose!” he squeaked.

“That was rude!”

“Well, I missed you. And, Rose, she fancied me. Maybe, among other things, I was trying to let her know I wasn’t available in the way she wanted.”

“Well, she probably hated me, then.” She picked up her Chinese and leaned back on the sofa. Rose completely understood Martha’s feelings, remembering when she’d met Sarah Jane.

“She did at first, but she came around in the end. She was supposed to be temporary anyway, but you know me.”

“You talked about me. She knew who I was on the  _ Crucible. _ ”

“Frequently, especially at first. I couldn’t not talk about you.” 

They tenderly smiled at each other.

“So, what does all this have to do with the Jack?”

“When Martha and I arrived, everyone was trapped in the motorway below the city. That was its own adventure, and I’ll fill you in on that sometime. But it turned out, the Face of Boe, or, Jack, really, was still there in New New York, and there’d been an airborne virus, killed everyone above ground. He’d sealed off the motorway to save everyone, and then he’d just about used up all his power keeping them all alive down there. And when I’d tried to open up the motorway, the computer gave out. He gave the rest of his life force to power the computer back up. Then he died, for good. I heard him exhale his last breath.”

They ate in silence for a while. Rose reached for a tissue at one point.

“You know,” the Doctor said, “He talked about you, when we’d met at the end of the universe. He thought you’d died at Canary Wharf. God, he was so happy to know you and Jackie and Mickey were alive.”

“Was he angry with me for making him that way?”

“No, not at all. He was confused when he’d come back to life after death the first few times, and by the time I got back to him, he was coming to terms with it. He didn’t know it was you until then, but I don’t think he would have been angry anyway. He couldn’t be mad at you. And, I imagine that became a pretty useful skill as the leader of Torchwood.”

“I knew about his team when I’d met Donna in the parallel world. I’d just assumed he’d used his vortex manipulator to end up back on Earth.” She set aside her empty carton and chopsticks on the coffee table.

“He did, but he ended up at the turn of the twentieth century. He said he’d gone to see you a few times in the 90s. Never interfered. He just wanted to see you again.”

She smiled.

The Doctor set his carton next to Rose’s on the table. He kicked up his feet and put an arm around her shoulders. “So, are you ready?”

“I think so.” She turned off the telly. 

He removed the cushions from the back of the sofa. “Lie down,” he directed, and they both reclined, facing each other. He reached up to brush her hair behind her ear. “We’ll figure this out together.” 

He reached inside her mind. They walked hand-in-hand through the corridors of her mind.

“ _ So, we’re looking for a door that’s not been there before, or a door that maybe we haven’t noticed, like it’s got a perception filter on it. _ ” 

They spent a good long time wandering around. Rose opened a few of her doors and showed him some memories from before she knew him. He loved it, and he thought it might be good to reciprocate another time. 

Eventually, they happened upon a door with golden light shining through the crack at the bottom. 

“ _Think we found it,_ ” she said. “ _What does that say on the door?_ ”

“ _ If you must know, it says ‘Bad Wolf’. _ ” He smiled.

“ _ Couldn’t be more clear, could it? _ ”

Inside the door, the space was similar to the console room of their TARDIS, an arched, cavernous space with roundels adorning the walls, but in place of the console were three golden strands that extended from the ceiling to the floor. 

“ _ What are these? _ ”

“ _ Gifts from the Bad Wolf, it appears? _ ” he suggested.

The Doctor nearly touched one of the strands.

They heard a third voice, and echo. “ _ Oh, Doctor, remember to put your shields up. _ ”

“ _ Hold on _ ,” he said, drawing back his hand. “ _ You weren’t around for that. What’s that doing here in your mind? How–? _ ”

“ _ What do you mean? _ ”

“ _ I remember that event. That happened well after you’d left. _ ”

“ _ That voice, that’s a different you, yeah? I remember his voice. _ ”

He smiled again. “ _ Yeah, Rose, he is. _ ”

_ “Well, then, let’s find out what he’s doing in my brain. _ ”

The Doctor reached out for the same strand, and they were both consumed by a memory.

–

“Oh, Doctor, remember to put your shields up.” The Doctor in the cricket vest smiled whimsically to himself, adjusted his hat, and stepped back from the console.

He felt a crackle of energy behind him and turned to see a blonde woman in a blue leather jacket materialize by the doors. Her eyes were wide as she looked around the room.

“What is it with intrusions today? First my TARDIS crashed into another, and now I turn around and you’re standing here. Where did you come from?”

“Doctor?” Her voice caught as she took in the sight of him. She launched herself at him in a hug.

He froze, unsure of what to do with the unexpected contact from the very unexpected woman.

The TARDIS hummed excitedly.

The woman released him and grinned at the console, a tear trailing down her cheek. “Hello, old girl!”

“Who are you? And how does the TARDIS know you?”

“You haven’t met me yet.” She grinned even wider, if that were possible. “But I know you. You’re the one who loves cricket.” She turned her attention to the console and ran her hand along the edge of it. “Sorry, did you say your TARDIS ran into another TARDIS?”

“I did.” 

Her expression was hopeful. “Can you tell me which one?”

“Hold on a minute.” He peered at the central column, searching out his connection with the ship for answers. Not only did the TARDIS know the girl, the ship was reaching out for her, feeling out a connection of her own. “How are you doing that?”

“Doing what?”

“The ship. You’re connected to the ship. What’s more, you’re a  _ human _ connected to the TARDIS, and that’s impossible. Nobody else is bonded to the ship but me.”

“Long story, mate.” She grinned again. “If you’re from the past, I can’t tell you that.”

“I suppose it doesn’t matter one way or the other. You’re obviously trusted enough in the future if the TARDIS has a connection with you.”

“Speaking of, Doctor, will this cause a paradox? Meeting you before it’s time?”

He looked slightly impressed and nodded. “You are clever, aren’t you?”

“Learned from you.” She winked. “Oh,” she said, glancing at the celery, “does that really work?” She ran a finger down the length of the stalk.

He blushed. “Of course it does!” he blustered. “Turns purple in the presence of gasses in the Praxis range. I’m allergic.”

“Future you said he thinks you made that up.” She smiled, but it wasn’t to tease him. Rather, it was a smile of fond remembrance.

He knew in that moment exactly where she belonged. He knew why he’d taken that young face with the spiky brown hair and the unkempt suit. Spend enough time around humans, he was bound to fall in love with one of them. “Is future me a skinny idiot in a pinstripe suit who rants about every single thing that happens to be in front of him?”

“Runs his gob at a million miles an hour?”

“Cheeky and bit vain about the hair?”

“That’s the one. Though I admire your hair a lot, too.”

He breezed past the statement. “Oh, my dear. I’m sorry.” His brows furrowed in concern. “Our TARDISes collided, and we unmerged them just before you materialized.”

Her face fell a little. “How was he? Did he have someone else with him?”

He shook his head. “No, I’m afraid not. Unless they were elsewhere in the TARDIS, he was alone at the controls. Needed someone like you, though.” He smiled. “He left his shields down to work on something, and that’s why we collided in the first place. Bit careless if you ask me. Why are you looking for him, if I might ask?”

“Stars are going out. Everywhere. Every dimension, even this one. The darkness is coming. We could see it in my universe, except it wasn’t coming from our dimension, and we couldn’t figure a way to stop it. The walls of the universes became weaker, and now I’m able to travel over here.”

“Your universe? So you traveled with me, but you were separated into another universe?”

“Worst day of my life.”

“Why couldn’t I travel between dimensions? That shouldn’t be so hard. What about the Time Lords? I was President once. Surely they would have helped.”

She looked sad and touched his arm. “I’m sorry. I don’t think I’m supposed to tell.” She shook her head and smiled. “Anyway, I found you. You’re the Doctor, and we need the Doctor. Can you save us? Can you stop the darkness?”

He looked at the console for guidance. Before he could even look for the timeline, she’d blocked him from doing so. “I’m sorry. I wish I could, but it appears to me that the timeline is fixed, and I can’t cross into it. I think you need the skinny idiot.”

She bowed her head and pursed her lips, hands fiddling with the hem of her blue leather jacket. She looked up again to meet his kind eyes and gentle smile. 

She froze. Those were his eyes. Different body, different face, but those were the ancient eyes of the Doctor.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

She blinked back a few tears and looked away again.

“This isn’t normal for me, but I can tell you’re not exactly normal for me, either. I can’t fix this for you, but if I may…”

She looked up at him again.

He cleared his throat. He stepped towards her and enveloped her in a hug.

She grabbed the lapels of his camel-colored jacket and sobbed into his chest. She felt at home again for a moment in the Doctor’s arms.

“How long has it been since you’ve seen him?”

“Four years.” She stepped back and pushed her hair behind an ear. “I was fine. Eventually, I was fine. Started working again, started making friends with my team members, had a better relationship with my family. But I missed him. Every day. I worked in his honor, wanted to make him proud. There wasn’t,” she paused, “erm, there won’t be anybody else like him in my life, I know.”

The Doctor smiled gently again. “Nor I imagine for him.”

She continued. “But once we discovered a year ago that we couldn’t stop the darkness and the walls between dimensions were weak, we rebuilt the dimension cannon to send me over here to find him. We locked onto your timeline, but I guess it was at the wrong point.”

“Well, I’m certainly glad to have met you. Don’t give up on my account.”

She gave him a warm smile. “I suppose not. I’d better jump back and try again.”

“That’s the spirit! After you jump, I’ll be sure to lock this memory away. No paradoxes, I promise.”

“Alright then, Doctor.” She touched his arm. “Thank you.”

“Before you go, can I at least know your name? Since I won’t remember this anyway.”

“Rose. Rose Tyler.”

“Ah, Rose. Rose.” He said her name a few more times. “Rose Tyler.” He smiled. “Fits nicely on the tongue.”

She giggled. She didn’t voice her next thought.  _ I’m sure I could find a few other things that would fit nicely on your tongue. _ She missed her Doctor desperately. And the sooner she could find him, the better.

“I’ll be off, then.” She rose on her toes to plant a kiss on his cheek, and then stepped back. “Wish me luck, Doctor.”

He blushed again and raised his hat to her. “Brave heart, Rose Tyler.”

She reached in her pocket, and then she was gone.

–

Rose was tugged from the memory by the intensity of her Doctor’s lips on hers. 

He pulled back suddenly, his voice slightly ragged. “You’re so brilliant. You, Rose, you’re so—”

She kissed him hard. She pulled him on top of her her, wrapping her legs around his hips.

He broke the kiss again. “Rose—”

She rolled her eyes. “Like he said, you just can’t shut up, can you?”

He chuckled and brushed the tip of her nose with his. “Rose, did you meet any others of me?”

She cupped his cheek, lightly caressing his skin with her thumb. “Must be the other two memories.”

“ _ Can I look again? _ ” he asked, turning his head to kiss her palm.

“Yes.” She ran her fingers through his hair.

He met her eyes again. “I love you.”

She tugged on the hair at the nape of his neck and kissed him again.  _ “I love you, Doctor.” _

He reached inside her mind and touched the second golden tendril.

–

The Doctor sped away from Cliff Jones’s house. He was hurt by Jo Grant’s departure in some way that he hadn’t been hurt by a companion’s departure before. Hurt that she hadn’t needed him anymore. Hurt that she had so easily discarded him once she found something she thought would be more fulfilling. What could be more fulfilling than a life traveling through time and space?

No matter. She made her choice. He wouldn’t begrudge her of it, and he would try to be happy for her.

Suddenly, he saw a flash of bright light. A blonde woman appeared in the middle of the road in front of him, and he was headed straight for her.

“Watch out!” he yelled.

Just in time, she leapt to the left and he swerved into the grass on the right.

Once Bessie was stopped and he’d turned off the engine, he hopped out of the car. “Are you alright, miss?” he shouted as he ran straight to the young woman.

He held her elbow to help steady her as she stood and brushed off her shoulder. He scolded her. “I say, the road is no place for a young woman at this time of night, especially when one appears in front of an approaching vehicle out of thin air! You’re lucky I swerved out of the way—” He stopped when he finally met her eyes. His Time Lord sight allowed him to see in the dark well enough to know that she was staring at him. “—in time,” he finished slowly. “Is something the matter?”

“You look like someone I know. It’s dark, though. Hard to tell.”

“Perhaps you shouldn’t have chosen to stumble into my path after sundown. Come on. We can use the headlamps on my vehicle, and you could see me better.” 

She muttered under her breath. “You’re not half grumpy, are you?” 

He sniffed at that. His hearing was well enough, too.

They walked towards Bessie. By the time they had reached the other side of the road, the car was recognizable. 

“Yellow car? Is that...now I know who you are. You’re the Doctor!” She beamed at him.

“Yes, that’s me, I’m the Doctor. Pardon my asking, but how do you know me? I’ve never seen you before.”

“You’re number three, yeah?”

He studied her features for a moment, trying to remember if he’d known her in a past regeneration.

“You’re the one that knows...what is it, some form of martial arts.” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “What did he call it? Venusian...” 

“Aikido,” he completed her statement. “Yes. Venusian Aikido.”

She beamed at him again. “I was right!”

“How do you know that?”

“Future you told me so. And that’s Bessie! Oh, I’ve wanted to meet her.” She grinned.

“You’re from my future?” He tapped Bessie on the hood, and her headlamps turned on.

“Yep! Speaking of which, have you run into any future you’s lately?”

“No, my dear, I am afraid I have not. I ran into a few past selves recently, though.”

He knit his brows in concern when her smile faded. 

“The last you I ran into had just been with the one I’d been looking for. I thought maybe there would be a pattern with the way the dimension cannon measured your timeline.”

He studied her features again in the light. She looked strangely familiar, now that he’d thought about it. He attempted to change the subject while he tried to place her. “Er, how did you manage to appear in front of my vehicle while I was driving down the road?”

“Dimension cannon. Jumped from another universe.”

“You traveled with me, and now you’re in a different universe?”

“Yes, and he couldn’t come get me. I can’t tell you why. But I can tell you that the universe is in danger. The stars are going out across all dimensions. Some sort of darkness is consuming them.”

“That sounds very dreadful indeed.”

“I met another you, and the other you wasn’t able to do anything. Said he couldn’t enter the timeline, so I need to find my Doctor. He’s the only one who can stop it. Do you think you could help me find him?”

“Couldn’t hurt to try, could it? We can ride back to UNIT and check in my TARDIS.”

“Oh, that’ll be a treat!” She grinned, and in the light, it was the prettiest smile he’d ever seen. “Does that mean I can hitch a ride in Bessie?”

He gave her a warm smile. “Any companion of my future self is a companion of mine.” He opened the passenger door and offered his hand.

She took it and hopped up into her seat. She stroked the black leather interior. “Oh, she’s lovely.”

The Doctor cocked his head in amusement and crossed to the driver’s side door. His friends usually poked fun at the car. This young woman must be special if she can appreciate a good machine when she sees one. 

He still couldn’t place how he knew her. “Before we recommence travel, may I know your name?” 

“Rose Tyler.”

“Rose Tyler. That name...I’ve heard that name.” His brows furrowed in concentration as he filed through memories, and then it hit him. “Christmas Day! Jackie Tyler!”

Rose stared in disbelief. “You’ve met my mum?”

“That’s why you looked familiar. Why, you’re the very image of her!”

“You were there on Christmas Day? How comes I never met you? Did he know you were there?”

“The other me? The one in jimjams and a robe and that ridiculous hair?”

Rose giggled. The Doctor wasn’t kidding when he said he wasn’t fond of himself, was he?

He smiled at the endearing sound of her laughter. “No, I never made myself known. He never told you? Must mean I was supposed to repress the memories. Oh dear, I’ll have to remedy that before I create a paradox. I’ll have to lock this memory as well. Make myself think that I traveled back to UNIT alone.”

“Can’t have you remembering meeting me before it’s time.” She smiled.

“Clever girl.” He nodded. “Usually I have to explain these sorts of things to my companions. Shame I won’t be able to remember this.”

She touched his arm. “You taught me everything I know, Doctor.”

He blushed slightly. “Well, then, off to UNIT? Oh, before we go, do tell me that I changed out of that preposterous attire. No self-respecting Time Lord would dream of being caught in pajamas, certainly not in front of a dignitary such as the Prime Minister. I apologize on behalf of my future self.”

She giggled again. “Sure. But only if you promise to tell me about meeting my mother, since you’ll repress it anyway.”

“That’s a fine negotiation if I ever heard one.” 

Rose had heard that before, she remembered. The Doctor had said it the night they...she smirked. Was that a mere coincidence?

The Doctor started the car and backed into the road, and then drove towards UNIT headquarters. “Miss Tyler, if you’re as special to the future me as I seem to think you are, and I’m not often wrong, these memories won’t stay locked away forever. Perhaps when the time is right you’ll be able to remember them together, if our mission tonight is successful.”

“What makes you think I’m special, Doctor?” She grinned.

He blushed again when he noticed her tongue peeking out from behind her teeth. My, she certainly had an effect on him, didn’t she? He was glad the sun had set so she wouldn’t see his reaction. He cleared his throat. “Time has a funny way of pointing things out to us sometimes. I received a transmission from Harriet Jones. I felt something connecting her to my timeline. So my companions and I traveled to the future, and when I opened the doors, your Doctor borrowed some of my regeneration energy. Next thing we knew, Jackie Tyler, your mother, stormed in the doors like she owned the place and thought your Doctor had regenerated again. She actually thought you and...Rickey, was it?”

“Blimey, some things never change. It’s Mickey, Doctor.” 

“Sincerest apologies. She thought you both had regenerated into my companions, Jo and Mike.”

She barked out a laugh. “Oh, I wish I could’ve seen her face. Oh! Can you imagine the kind of pranks I could pull on her with your other regenerations?”

“I don’t know about that. She doesn’t seem to take too kindly to mischief.”

“Right,” she thought out loud. “She might give you the Jackie Tyler special.”

“What is this ‘Jackie Tyler special?’”

“Oh, you’ll find out, believe me.”

“That I do not look forward to, from the sound of it.”

“Good thing you won’t remember me warning you, then!” She laughed again.

The Doctor smirked. Rose had a familiarity with him that hadn’t been present with his other companions. She must have had a different sort of relationship with him in the future. He understood why the Doctor had taken that face if she was present for his regeneration.

That didn’t make his departure from Jo hurt any less, he realized, but being in the company of this young woman lifted his spirits on the ride back to UNIT, and he would enjoy the short time he had with her to the fullest. He owed that respect to his future self, even if he thought his hair was a bit unkempt and his respect for dignitaries left something to be desired. And he made a note to himself to include that lecture in the memory so he’d get an earful when it was unlocked.

“Shall I continue?” he inquired when she’d settled.

“If you wish.”

“I do. The four of us had to make a trip to UNIT to find the Prime Minister. We found she had been returned to Bloxham Road, and when we arrived, your mother left us to meet up with you, and I saw you with him. 

“Now, ponder this. You’re clever enough to work it out. Why would I, of all regenerations, have been pulled to myself in that particular time of need? Why did I not feel the need to hide these memories until now?”

“Well, here I am, sitting with you. You needed to be able to recognize me. When I was with the other you last time, not my Doctor, the TARDIS recognized me, and that’s how he knew he was able to trust me. This time, you’re not with your TARDIS. Since you’ve already had a prior experience with my mum and you’d seen me before, you would know you’d be able to help me.”

“Right! The universe seems to have woven our timelines together.”

She was quiet for the remainder of the drive.

He glanced over at her. She wiped a tear from her cheek.

He paused at the security gate to identify himself. “She’s my guest, never been here before. Any friend of mine is a friend of UNIT’s.”

The guard on duty rolled his eyes and handed him a clipboard. “They get younger all the time. Sign her in, please.”

The Doctor did so and returned the clipboard. The guards opened the gate and he drove until he reached his parking unit.

He removed his key from the ignition and turned towards her in the seat. “Miss Tyler, I don’t mean to pry, but are you alright?”

“I miss him. It’s been four years since I’ve seen him. And both times I’ve been able to lock onto your time stream, I’ve run into different versions of you. The last you, he’s from your future, too, had just been with him. And you, well it’s been a while, but you did see him. I need to find him, yeah, because the stars are going out, and the whole of reality needs him to stop whatever’s happening. But mostly I just want to see him again.”

He took a deep breath, and then he got out of the car and circled around to her side, opening her door. “My dear,” he paused, wiping a tear from her cheek, “let’s see about fixing that. I’m the Doctor, and fixing problems is my specialty.” He smiled warmly at her and held out his hand again.

Her Doctor had said that, too, on the same night as she’d remembered earlier. Definitely not a coincidence.

The blond one she met on the other jump, she’d seen his eyes.

He was her Doctor. All of his regenerations were different, but they were all her Doctor.

Rose decided to have some fun with him. She gave him a wide smile. She took his offered hand and wouldn’t let go.

His feet were frozen on the spot. He stared at her.  _ That was new _ , he thought.

“So, where’s the TARDIS?”

He blinked. “Right. TARDIS. In my lab. Come on.” He started walking, but she wouldn’t drop his hand. His heart rate sped.

They rounded a corner and opened a set of double doors.

Sure enough, inside the lab, in the corner, sat that beautiful blue Police Box.

The Doctor felt something curious about the TARDIS when Rose entered the lab, and the feeling grew stronger when she entered the console room.

“Earlier you said the TARDIS recognized you, and I didn’t give that much thought. But, Miss Tyler, it seems that she has a stronger affinity for you than any of my other companions thus far.”

Rose ran her hand along one of the hexagonal edges and smiled. “She and I, we’re connected, and just like my last visit, it doesn’t seem that time has any bearing on the bond. Makes sense, because time is irrelevant, you know. She holds the whole of the Vortex in her heart.”

“But you’re human. How is that possible?” He peered at her.

“Long story. Can’t tell you that one, either.” She winked.

“You are a rarity, my dear. Now, let’s see about finding your Doctor. If he feels as anxious about finding you as I do about keeping you around, we’ll need to figure this out as soon as possible.”

“You saying you don’t want to get rid of me?” She grinned again, the one with the tip of her tongue.

He blushed, which was made worse by the fact that she could see it this time in the light. He opened and closed his mouth, searching for the right words. Finally, he said, “That choice isn’t mine to make. Seems to me, you belong to a different incarnation of me. And if I were me, which I am, I wouldn’t appreciate my earlier selves meddling about with my timeline.”

She linked her arm through his. “Fair enough.”

He cleared his throat, his cheeks still burning. “I can hardly work the controls if you are holding my arm hostage like so.”

She crinkled her nose at him and stepped away from him. “Glad to see I haven’t lost my touch after all this time.”

He decided not to address that statement. It seemed only appropriate for his future self to handle that one. “If you will, turn your attention to the monitor over there.” He pointed at the monitor hanging across the room. “Perhaps I can search out his location, and I’ll be able to pull up his image on the screen.” He worked at a few of the controls. “And,” he paused, flipping a final switch, “that should do it, and I’ll be able to take you to him in no time.”

The screen flipped on. Golden light was all they could see.

“Hmmm. That’s not him at all, is it? Let me try something else. If I reverse the polarity of the neutron flow–” He punched a few more buttons on the console.

To his shock, golden light started filled central column. 

“What!” Wide-eyed, he grabbed Rose’s hand and pulled her away from the console, stepping in front of her to protect her. “She’s never done that before!”

Rose realized what the light was. “Doctor, I think I know what’s happening. This light, I’ve seen it before.”

“Care to explain?” he asked.

“I can’t. It’s part of the connection she and I share.” She stepped towards the console and ran her fingers through the golden tendrils of light protruding from the column. She abruptly turned towards the Doctor, her eyebrows knit in frustration. “But I don’t understand. I need to find him! Why would I block myself from finding him?”

“Hmm. Very curious indeed.” He stroked his chin with his thumb and forefinger. “Seems to me that certain events in his timeline need to happen first. I couldn’t tell you what they are because I can’t see them. One isn’t meant to see their personal future, and all that. I don’t think it’s that you’re not meant to find him. It’s very possible that you’re not meant to find him  _ yet _ .” He cupped her jaw so she would meet his eyes. “And that is a very important distinction, my dear. Don’t give up and don’t lose hope. If I were him, which I am, that’s what I would want you to know.”

Her frustration melted and she nodded.

He warmly smiled. “That’s the spirit. If anyone can do it, I believe it’s you.” He tapped the tip of her nose with his finger.

She wrapped her arms around him. “Thank you, Doctor.”

The Doctor was not accustomed to hugging, but he supposed this was an allowable exception. He tentatively rested his arms around her shoulders.

She pulled back with a grin. “That’ll be my time to go.”

“I’ll see you soon.” He smiled.

“Not if I see you first.”

He cocked his head and knit his brows. “You are a curious thing, aren’t you?”

She leaned in and stood on her tiptoes. She pressed a kiss to his cheek.

He blushed again.

She took a few steps back with that cheeky grin of hers and reached into her pocket. Then she was gone.

–

The Doctor groaned against Rose’s neck. He lifted his head and scowled, looking at the ceiling. “Do you really need to lecture me, right now, at this particular moment?”

“What lecture?” Rose asked, wide-eyed.

He rolled his eyes. “Revenge for the jimjams, I suppose.”

“Is he giving you hell for your jimjams on Christmas Day?”

“Was. He’s finished.”

She cupped his cheek. “All of you, Doctor…”

“I can’t think of a life of mine where I wouldn’t fall in love with you, Rose Tyler. Anywhere, any when, I am yours.”

She grinned mischievously and ran a finger slowly down his cheek, his neck, and hooked it in the collar of his shirt. “Hows about we really scandalize him?”

He raised his left eyebrow and gave her an impish smirk. “What did you have in mind?”

“Bed, no clothes at all?”

“That’s a fine negotiation if I’ve ever heard one,” he rumbled and resumed kissing the join of her neck and shoulder.

“Now wait, Doctor.” She tugged his hair so he would tilt his neck to look at her. “That’s not a negotiation at all. I suggested something, and now it’s your turn.”

He chastely kissed her lips and grinned. He reached back to grip her thigh, her legs still around his waist. “You’re on top?”

She wrapped her arms around his neck and murmured against his skin. “Allons-y.”

“Hold on tight.” He lifted them from the couch.

She was putting good work in on his neck as he carried her when she stopped. “Wait.”

He groaned. “What now?”

“Doctor, there were three, and we only saw two. I want to see the other one.”

He rolled his eyes. “Fine.” He turned and dropped her on her back on the couch. Oh, how he wanted to punish her for this. He settled between her legs again and kissed her. He also swiftly reached inside her knickers and stroked her with his thumb.

She gasped. “Not fair, Doctor!”

“Sure you want to wait?” He gave her a devilish grin. He licked his thumb.

“I hate you so much, and I fucking love you.”

“And I love fucking you.” He winked.

She laughed, and then she bit her lip. “You can have it all you want–” she paused, putting a finger on his lips as he opened them to say something, “ _ after _ this.”

“Fiiiiine,” he whinged, and he reached for the last memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The incident discussed with the Third Doctor can be found in The Twelve Doctors of Christmas. That particular story was written by the best Jacqueline Rayner. Also, the Tylers were all up in the Doctor's business at Christmas. Quite right, too.


	4. Third Time's a Charm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A -really- surprise visitor, followed by a second surprise visitor.

He sat at the bar of the Bad Wolf Pub on the planet of New Earth. His chin rested in his palm and he ran a finger through the condensation on his pint with his other hand.

He’d tried to forget her. He really had. But, as always, his thoughts drifted back to the girl on the street and her boyfriend clinging to her hips like a helpless puppy. Rose had declined his offer with her words, but her eyes pleaded with him to see beyond her excuses. He had, if he were honest, but the ease with which she’d offered them had hurt.

He’d been reluctant around her when he met her, trying to resist her beautiful smile and her laughter and her cleverness. The pain from the Time War was still fresh in his hearts and all he’d wanted to do was shut down. But she’d worked her way through his defenses, and he was hoping maybe he’d impressed her enough that she’d want to travel with him. He’d shown her his space ship, for gods’ sakes. 

After all he’d done with her in that short time, after her eyes had been opened to see that there was more to life than sleeping, eating, working, beans on toast, everything mundane, how could she possibly stay behind? Deep down, she’d wanted to go with him. So why hadn’t she? 

A blur of blue caught his attention, a blonde woman in a blue leather jacket entering the doors of the pub. His eyes grew wide when he realized who she was.

She scanned the room for someone, and then she locked eyes with him. She stared for a moment, and then she grinned and made her way over to him. “Doctor!” She hopped onto the stool next to him.

He scrutinized her features. This was definitely Rose, but she was older. 

_ And still as beautiful as I remember _ . 

“What are you doing here?” he finally asked.

She rolled her eyes and grinned. “Nice to see you, too.” 

“No, really, how’d you get from a London street in the twenty-first century to New Earth in this pub?”

She grinned. “Oh, that’s a long, long story. Can’t tell you. Paradoxes and all that.”

“How do you know about paradoxes? You’re a shop girl with that useless appendage you call a boyfriend.”

She threw her head back and laughed. “Oh, if only you knew!” 

He quizzically furrowed his brows and cocked his head to the side.

“Let’s just say,” she paused, touching his arm, “you taught me everything I know.”

He scoffed and looked away. “Hard for me to do when you declined my offer.” He took a swig of his pint.

She grinned again. “Blimey, you’re sulky. You’re gonna have to forget all of this anyway, so why not? Look, Doctor, you came back.”

“I did, did I?” He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. He tried to appear nonchalant, but his hearts perked up at the thought.

“Yeah.” She crinkled her nose. “Just couldn’t keep away, I guess. And I ran to the TARDIS without a second thought.”

He turned towards her on his stool, resting his elbow on the bar. “So, if that’s the case, are you with me now? Where’m I at?”

“No…” she paused, searching for the right words. “We were separated. That’s all I can say. It was neither our choice or fault. And now the stars are going out where I’m at. I’ve been searching for you–”

“The stars are going out? Me and the TARDIS can sort this.” He took another swig of his beer. He made to stand up, but noticed she hadn’t. “What’s the matter?”

Her face fell. “I wish you could help. I’m so happy to see you, like you wouldn’t believe, but it has to be the next you. The time line is fixed, apparently.”

“Oh.” His face fell, too, and he rested on his stool again. He gazed at his pint. “Lucky bastard, then.” He met her eyes. “So I regenerated with you?”

She grinned again. “Yeah, totally caught me by surprise, and I guess you could say it was my fault. Had nothing to do with us being separated, though.”

“Does he treat you right, Rose? The next me? ‘Cos if he doesn’t, you let me know and I’ll go and create another paradox if I need to. That’s the trouble with regeneration. You never quite know what you’re going to get.”

She smiled. “Yeah, he does. Number five said that, about regeneration. I met him, too, you know.”

“Oh, you did?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah. He had to lock the memory of me away,” she said quietly.

His eyes followed the grain of the wood of the bar. “I will, too, I suppose.” He exhaled noisily through his nose and looked at her. “You’re trouble, you are. Going around creating paradoxes like this. You might rip the universe apart.”

“I believe the term you’ll use for me is ‘jeopardy friendly.’” She tapped his forearm. “Before you lock this away, can we go visit her? The TARDIS? Been awhile since I’ve seen the proper one.”

He nodded. “Not too far from here.”

They slipped out of the bar into the night without a word. Just as they exited, Rose took his hand, like it was natural for her, like it only belonged in his.

He was glad it was dark. He didn’t want her to see how furiously he was blushing.

“So where did you go after you left me in London, Doctor? I never learned.”

“Oh, y’know, around. JFK assassination, Titanic, volcanic eruption, lots of things. All in a day’s work.”

She snorted.

“What was that for?”

Before she could answer, they rounded a corner to see the big blue police box standing in an alley. 

“There she is!” Rose almost shouted. “Hold on, I’ve got my key.”

The Doctor smiled as she ran and pulled her chain out of her shirt collar to stick the key in the lock.

Once they stepped inside, the Doctor froze. “Wait a minute. She feels different now. Like she’s reaching out for you. How did you get connected to the TARDIS? You’re a human!”

“Impossible, I know.” She strode forward and stroked the circular console. “Hello, love. The connection’s a bit stronger this time. Must be getting close, yeah?” She looked around the room as the lights dimmed. “Corridor’s still lit. I think she wants us to go find something.”

He nodded and they left the console room, taking Rose down a familiar passageway.

“This is the way to my room, but she can’t possibly be taking us there. I haven’t lived on the TARDIS yet.”

“Time machine, Rose. And it seems she likes you. Better than me, I suppose.”

She smiled. “True!”

They rounded another corner, and Rose stopped abruptly. 

There was the other Doctor, the future him. He was sort of transparent, though. And he looked a right mess. His hair was disheveled and his clothes were all wrinkled. His Oxford was untucked from his trousers. And why wasn’t he wearing any shoes? He was standing in what might have been her doorway, based on Rose’s reaction. 

“Is that...me? The next me?”

“Yeah, and that’s my room. I think it’s a projection, though. And this must be after...” She trailed off.

The projection pulled the knob and locked it with his sonic. He walked towards the console room.

Tears filled her eyes when she saw his solemn, emotionless face.

“This was after he lost you, wasn’t it?”

She sobbed.

He pulled her to himself and examined the ceiling. “The ship feels sad now, like she’s mourning.” He didn’t know how Rose was to become connected to the TARDIS, but he felt some hope for himself. He desperately wanted to feel more than his current miserable existence. And she was the answer, even if he would lose her someday.

She pulled away after a moment, wiping her cheeks. She walked over to the door and tried the knob. “It’s still locked. Can you…”

He pulled out his sonic and activated it at the lock.

She opened the handle as soon as the door clicked and stepped inside. 

The pillows were amiss. A pinstripe jacket rested on the sitting chair near the door, and some trainers and socks littered the floor.

Rose didn’t pay those any mind. She had walked over to the en suite and pulled the Oxford off the door handle. Her face twisted in grief as she sat on the bed and buried her face in the fabric.

He remained in the doorway for a moment and watched her. Nobody grieves like that over somebody that hardly means anything. And his clothing, or rather, his next self’s clothing was in  _ her  _ room. How... _ domestic _ of him.

Normally, he would have balked at that. But he couldn’t. Not when he saw her grieving.

Suddenly, the pain he felt from the Time War felt small in the face of this. He would grow to love this woman in the future, beyond even his own life if her account was right and his regeneration was her fault.

She would be worth it.

He crossed her room to sit on the bed next to her.

She looked at him with red eyes, intently searching his own. Then she did something he hadn’t expected. She leaned in and kissed him. It was gentle, just a light pressure on his lips, and it didn’t last for long, but his cheeks felt warm all the same.

When she pulled away, she searched his eyes again.

“Not that I’m complaining, but what was that for?”

“Doctor, there’s a girl out there waiting for you in a dark London street. She wants to run, but she doesn’t know where to. She knows there’s something better out there for her, but she doesn’t know how to find it. She’s waiting for someone to change her life. And I guarantee you, she regrets not stepping back in that TARDIS.” She grinned that cheeky grin of hers, the one with the tongue. “After all, secretly, she did find you to be quite impressive.”

“Did she? Because last I checked, she was pretty intent on staying with that Ricky boy. What did she call him? A ‘stupid lump?’”

“Shut up,” she said, and kissed him again. 

He was not so passive this time, gripping one of her arms and cupping her neck with his other hand, moving his lips a little more.

She pulled away slightly and murmured, “Now, go get her.” She stood.

“Wait, if I’m supposed to forget this, how am I going to know to go back for you?”

“I have an idea. Console room.” 

She tugged on his hand, and he gladly followed her as they ran and laughed all the way to the jump seat.

“Now, pull out your journal, and you’re gonna write a message to yourself,” she directed.

His jaw dropped slightly. “Nobody’s supposed to know about my journal.”

She rolled her eyes. “Oh, please. You write in it when you think I’m not looking. Us companions, we’re a bit more clever than you think.”

He huffed and reached inside his jacket pocket for his journal and a pen. 

“Write this:  _ Tell her it travels in time. _ That’s very important, okay? I’ll leave, you’ll lock the memory away, but you’ll still have this little message to yourself, and it won’t cause a paradox because I haven’t written it.” She stood. “Are you gonna know who ‘her’ is?”

He blushed and wrote the message in circular Gallifreyan and looked up at her when he finished.

“I’ll take that as a ‘yes.’” 

“Before you go–” He stopped. He wasn’t one for being sentimental. But this was Rose from the future, not the one still waiting for him on a London street. And it was well after she’d traveled with him. He hoped that when his time came to regenerate, whatever happened, he had a chance to thank her.

“Yeah?”

He crossed his arms and looked at the floor. “That girl out there? She might be looking for someone to change her life, but this daft old man was lost. And I think she helped him find his way. She probably did more for him than he could ever do for her.”

She cupped his cheek. “You were always so gruff, but I knew you were a big softie.” She kissed his forehead.

He gave her a half smile. “Careful. Don’t let the secret out.”

“And...I love you. I never said it, but I do.”

“Did I ever tell you?”

“No. Not this you, not with words, anyway. But I know you did. And, I wouldn’t have changed a thing.”

“Good to know I didn’t completely mess up.”

“No, Doctor. Not at all.” She stepped back. “Anyway, I probably should go,” she said hesitantly.

“Yeah, me, too. Go on. I’ll see you soon enough.”

She smiled and reached in her jacket pocket, and then she was gone.

–

After viewing that memory, Rose wanted to gloat about making him wait, but she never got the chance. They didn’t make it to the bedroom. At least not the first time.

And maybe not the second time, either. There may have been a wall involved on the way. 


End file.
